


Baking Isn't A Thing You've Learned

by orphan_account



Series: It Could Kill You After A While [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Baking fails, Flour fights, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 14:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and John decide to smoke some, dave then gets the munchies and decides they should bake a cake. </p><p>they fail horribly</p><p>The baking incident. </p><p>This is a sidestory to "You Learn To Love It After A While". You dont really have to read it first, but a few things might be explained if you do. alsew i suck at summaries. this takes place in between parts of chapter 10 of the story i said</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baking Isn't A Thing You've Learned

**Author's Note:**

> i swear to god this is the longest piece of shit ive written in one go like holy wow  
> yes continue

The baking incident, incidentally, is also the first time you decided to try out recreational drugs. 

You were lounging in the games room watching TV when Dave came up to you about it. 

 

“I dunno Dave, won’t Bro kick our asses if he find out?” 

“Dude, I got it from the guy. He was pretty chill about it, too. He just said not to break anything.” Dave adores Bro for reasons you will never truly understand. But you can admit that Bro is a pretty cool person. 

“Well, I guess. Do you even know how to smoke it?” You aren’t quite sure if it’s a good idea, but curiosity has gotten a hold on you and damn if it ever loses. 

“Well obviously.” 

...

As it turns our Dave definitely had no idea what he was doing. You spend ten minutes bugging him to just ask Bro, because he just kind of sits there and looks at the stuff. 

In the end you end up sighing in exasperation before going to get Bro. 

...

“So which d’ ya wanna use?” Bro asks, and you and Dave exchange semi confused looks.

“Right. Better start with papers.” Bro proceeds to pull a small box out of his pocket. It’s full of small, thin papers. He rolls the joint, lights it up, and takes the first hit. He passes it to Dave first, and you watch Dave intently. He inhales, and you can tell he’s trying not to cough. He waits a whole three seconds before exhaling. He barely gets out the word “water” before Bro is shoving a glass of water in his face. Then it’s your turn.  
You inhale, and then immediately start coughing. Bro takes the joint from you, and Dave pats you on the back and hands you the water. 

Well. You know what to expect next time. And the next time it’s handed to you, you can actually hold it in. 

“I don’t feel anything.” You say. Dave gives a small nod in agreement. Bro grins.

“Give it a minute.” He takes one more hit, and then leaves you and Dave with the joint. 

And a minute later you know what he meant. You feel mellowed right out. You see Dave staring intently at the side of your face and laugh. 

“What? Dude, I can tell you’re staring at me, you took your shades off.” 

He blinks. “Oh. Your face is just so, face. Like, wow.” You have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. And somehow it’s the funniest thing in the world.

“Oh, dude. We should try something.” He takes a hit off the joint and you guess there are about two good hits left. He motions for you to come closer. When you’re close enough he grabs your head and pulls you into a kiss. You catch the hint and open your mouth. You inhale as he exhales. 

You exhale. You look at Dave for all of two seconds before pulling him back in for another kiss. Another kiss turns into full out makeouts. 

After a while of kissing at various speeds Dave pushes you back. 

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh my god.” 

“Do you know how to bake a cake?” You stare at him. A cake. He wants you to make him a cake. 

“Are you serious?” You look at him incredulously. 

He ponders it for a couple seconds. “Yes. I am completely serious. Cereal serious. More serious than a serious serial cereal killer. And you know how serious that is.” He tells you.

“Fine. Just ‘cause I’m hungry too.” You stand up and you feel really light. “Woah. Dude. Stand up.” He stands up and looks at you. You share a look of absolute seriousness before bursting into laughter. Everything is funny. Kind of like how when you stay up late, you get to that certain point that makes everything funny. 

You make your way to the kitchen, giggling at various things that were never funny before. Like the patterns in the picture frames hung on the walls, the flooring, and the positioning of the furniture. 

As your make your way through the living room you pass Rose, reading on the couch, and you have a feeling she knows immediately what you have been doing. That’s probably because of the knowing smirk she send your way, but whatever. 

You finally enter the kitchen and you realize you don’t know where anything baking related is.

“Rose! Where’s the flour?” You yell into the other room.

“Top cabinet, on the left of the fridge. And you don’t have to yell, I’m right here.” You see Dave jump when she replies. She’s leaning against the counter. “Don’t mind me.” She is definitely one of the creepiest pretty girls you’ve ever met. 

You open the cabinet she was talking about and immediately regret it when several swords and a bag of flour fall out. Of course, because it’s you, the swords manage to completely miss you, but cut open the bag of flour making it spill all over you. You don’t miss the howl of laughter coming from Dave. Even Rose is trying not to giggle. You glasses are fogged from the flour, so you reach up to wipe a bit off. It’s then that you see some spoons. Spoons give you an idea. 

You take a spoon and lean down to scoop up some flour. 

“What’re you doing?” Dave manages In between fits of laughter. 

You fling the flour right into his face. 

You hold a straight face for about two seconds before bursting into laughter yourself. Dave tries to fling some flour back at you, but you duck and he hits Rose. 

You both freeze.

“Oh, now it’s on, children.” And she pulls flour from seemingly nowhere and gets the both of you. It is a flour fight of champions. Seconds later Jade rounds the corner into the kitchen.

“What’s going‒” Jade is cut off before she finishes her sentence by a scoop of flour to the face thrown by none other than yourself. 

“Oh my god, Jade. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry at all.” And if the look on her face is any indication, you’ve brought war on yourself. She’s instantly as much into the fight as the three of you were, and the mighty battle continues. 

Eventually the four of you manage to get everything required into a bowl, with as little as three accidentally broken eggs. 

“Dave, I don’t think you’re supposed to put that much in the pan.” Dave filled the cake tin to the brim with batter and shoved it into the oven without any input from anyone else. 

“No it’s fine. It’ll just rise up when it bakes.” Dave replies.

“Dave, I don’t think that’s how it works.” Jade agrees. 

“Science leads me to believe those two are right.” Rose pipes in.

“No, it’s fine. Look, look at it. It’s in the oven. It’s baking. It’s fine.” 

“Is that why it’s spilling over?” Jade points to the oven, where the cake is, indeed, spilling over onto the bottom of the oven.

“Shit!” Dave yells. It’s this moment that you idly realize the high you had from earlier is mostly gone. You’d been having too much fun to notice. 

Dave pulls the runny cake out of the oven and turns around with it as you step forward. Obviously you have the shittiest luck ever, because you step on a particularly large pile of flour, causing you to slip into Dave, who then spills the hot cake batter all over you as you’re still falling. You end up on the floor, covered in flour and cake batter. 

You can tell how hard they’re all trying not to laugh. 

“We are never speaking of this. I hate all of you. Shut up.” They all burst out laughing and you can’t help smiling slightly. Dave helps you up and you get an idea. “Give me a hug, Dave.” You smile and outstretch your arms toward him.

“No way, bro.” 

“Come on, don’t you love me?” 

“Not that much.”

“You asshole.”

...

You all look at Bro when he walks in with a store bought cake. Bro gives you an incredibly unreadable expression, but you have a feeling he’s both exasperated with you and amused you fucked up this badly at baking a cake. You’re still covered in cake batter too.

He sets the cake down on the counter and absconds. 

“Dave.”

“Yeah?”

“Why the hell didn’t we just buy a cake in the first place? Instead of going through all of this.”

“I didn’t think of it.”

“Dave.”

“Yeah?”

“Run.”

...

Eventually you all get cleaned up, and settle in the living room in front of the TV. You swear you are going to get Dave back for today. You are going to prank him so hard. He won’t know what hit him. It’s gonna be huge.

But for now you’ll settle for watching movies with your friends.

**Author's Note:**

> wow i hope that was okay leminnow if you find any errors cause i dont have a beta i just finished writing the thing and its 4 in the morning and i dont feel like looking it over right now i'll do it later


End file.
